Conflict doesn’t have to suck. These iconic relationship researchers tell us how. Fight Right: How Successful Couples Turn Conflict Into Connection is the name of a new book by esteemed guests Dr. John Gottman and Dr. Julie Gottman.They are the co-Founders of The Gottman Institute and have completed over 40 years of research with more than 3,000 couples. John is the researcher; Julie the clinician. They have written several books together, including Eight Dates and The Love Prescription.Even though the majority of the Gottmans’ research is on couples, the advice is applicable to all types of relationships.  In this episode we talk about:The three principle conflict stylesWhy we often don’t understand what it is we’re fighting aboutPerpetual problems vs. Solvable problemsWhy the first three minutes of an argument are key The simple sentence to use at the beginning of an argumentHow to downregulate defensiveness in an argumentWhy the Gottmans’ believe there is no such thing as constructive criticismWhy apologizing quickly isn’t always the right moveWhen a fight might spell the end Related Episodes:Dan Savage on how to handle disappointment in your relationships, how to get better at sex, and why “a couple” is an IllusionLori Brotto on mindful sexDevon and Craig Hase on how not to be a hot messMyisha Battle on love, sex, dating, and relationship mythsSign up for Dan’s weekly newsletter hereFollow Dan on social: Instagram, TikTokTen Percent Happier online bookstoreSubscribe to our YouTube ChannelOur favorite playlists on: Anxiety, Sleep, Relationships, Most Popular EpisodesFor tickets to Dan Harris: Celebrating 10 Years of 10% Happier at Symphony Space: click here Full Shownotes: http://tenpercent.com/tph/podcast-episode/gottmans-726See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Fight Right: The Science of Healthy Conflict | Drs. John and Julie Gottman

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